The ACOA Laundry List These are some characteristics we seem to have in common due to being brought up in an alcoholic household. Many of us are familiar with the “ACA Characteristics” or “Laundry List” of ACA behaviors. Here is a more in depth description of behaviors. THE LAUNDRY LISTS WORKBOOK Integrating Our Laundry List Traits for Adult Children of Alcoholics / Dysfunctional Families [ACA WSO] on

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Please feel free to post your comments. Thank you going beyond it is so needed for me, Keep It Simple Conceptual, a new saying that hits home.

This Closet Laundry List has been so interesting to me I deeply appreciate the time that was put into the service of creating it. It was posted on the ACA Wso forum back when the were operational. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures 2 We demand compliance as a form of approval love and we lose emotional connection trust as a result.

We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process 3 The healthy protesting child frightens us and personal criticism brings fear of punishment, so we learn to retaliate. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism 4 We repeat patterns of compulsive abandonment, creating and reacting to false dependencies over and over again.

We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs 5 We take the victim position; from here we can attack safely.

The Other Laundry List – Adult Children of Alcoholics Arizona

We can hide among true victims who are often recipients of our traumatic actions. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships 6 We shift focus to others; we try to help them but we also hurt them as we pass para-alcoholic behaviors. We can stay hidden when taking the offensive. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves.

This enables us not to look too closely at our own faults 7 We impart guilt to others to justify standing up for ourselves and declare superiority even though our words or our actions may be harmful.


We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others 8 Our drugs are other people; our own reactions provide internal hits of guilt, shame and blame that we use to continue our addiction to excitement.

We become addicted to excitement 9 We can create pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization and then run to its rescue. We confuse love with pity and tend to “love” people who we can pity” and “rescue” 10 We cannot recognize our true feelings or the true feelings of others so we deny that we are wrong. We use angry tears that hurt and confuse.

We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much denial 11 We judge others harshly and instill a sense of fear in those around us.

The Laundry List: The ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) Experience by Tony A.

We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem 12 We come to think of others as part of ourselves and we cannot tolerate their separation or independence. Our parental wounds are unhealed and we will do anything to mask the true nature of letting go and the painful abandonment feelings brought forth. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people liet were never there emotionally launndry us 13 Our lack of drink or addiction can be a diversion.

We pass trauma undetected. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors Don C. Very interesting, it’s kind of like the flip side of the laundry list that was writen with out my input. I noticed you did not include the etc. I still haven’t quite worked out why I put it there. I know it was in responce to the “looking at our own fault”, as if I could see anything but my faults.

I will finish what I started so many years ago.

And explain the etc, in trait 6. I think it would have been replaced with “looking at our own feeling, thoughts and action. We I never wanted to look at my self, I did not want to know anything about me because of the negative conditioning of childhood. Now I find looking at my feeling, allows me to accepts my strengths and weakness.


The Laundry List: The ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) Experience

I do not need to look at my faults, that looking at my faults is a hold over from the A. I have much more to launry and will.

My book will be finished this year, God willing then the truth of Tony A. I care about me today, this lets me care about you. Here is a launrdy in depth description of behaviors resulting from being brought up in a “dysfunctional family”. A dysfunctional family is a family system based on “denial” or “shame-based rules” in which there is always an avoidance of confrontation and inability to resolve conflict.

Codependent characteristics and attitudes: Orange County Adult Zcoa. Posted by C at Newer Post Older Post Home. Check Out These Recovery Links: Labels 11 and 12 1 11th step meditation 3 12 step 5 12 step audio 1 laundey step results 1 12 step videos 1 12 stepping 1 12 steps 2 16 Characteristics 1 abandoholism 1 abandonment 1 abusive mother 1 aca 33 aca afirmations 1 aca audio 1 aca audio mp3 1 aca convention 1 aca goals 1 aca laundry list 1 aca myths 1 aca relapse 1 aca self help 1 aca speaker 1 liet sponsorship 1 ACA Study 1 aca support group 1 aca video 1 aca workshopr 1 ace 1 ace study 3 ACEs 1 acoa 27 acoa audio mp3 1 acoa meeting 6 acoa mom 1 acoa parents 1 acoa syndrome 1 acoa trauma 1 acodf 1 active listening 1 add 6 addicted to excitement 1 addicted to stress 1 addiction 11 addiction cure 1 addiction rates 1 addiction recovery laundrj 1 Addiction: Claudia Black 1 dr.

Eldon Taylor 1 dr.

ACE 1 healthy groups 1 hero 1 hidden pain 1 hiding from love 1 high nurturance family 1 higher power 1 how dysfunctional are we? Schandler 1 stress 1 stress relief lwundry sugar addiction 1 sugarholic 1 suicide 1 support group 3 surrender 1 Susan Anderson 1 Szifra Birke 1 telomeres 1 The Meadows 1 the power of now 1 the promises 1 the solution 1 therapy 1 Tian Dayton 4 time out 1 Together We Heal 1 Tranquility 1 trauma 3 trauma and lsundry 1 trauma caused depression 1 Trauma Release Exercises 1 Traumatic Memories 1 twelve step 1 Twelve Step Videos 2 twelve steps 1 unbearable feelings 1 unresolved pain 1 victimization 1 Vincent J.

Felitti 1 vulnerability 1 What Causes Depression?